Oh.. My… Knickers!!!!

I thought I was low key overweight until today. Today I saw my knickers in their full glory on the clothes line and all I can say is OMG!! This is not to say I have never seen them before but today, today I saw them, like really saw them. I could make a skirt for my youngest with all that fabric. I really could. 😭😂😭😭😭😂

So anyway, here we are hours later and I am sitting in bed with a beer and a sandwich asking myself what it’s going to take to get me out of this funk. I have the theory down to the letter but the practical is killing me man. In the words and tone of R.Kelly on Surviving RKelly “I’m fighting for my life man”.

“You are a product of your beliefs, so change your beliefs, but remember that your beliefs are products of your experience”

I know it sounds a bit much but in that moment on 31st June 2010, when I wrote those words, I had been through some massively depressing nonsense that had led me to the ER where my heart stopped for a few seconds from an angina attack. Oh lord, I have just realised in this moment that the doldrums seem to be my default.

Anyway, we are backtracking…

I need to experience peace and joy, real peace, real joy, not alcohol induced euphoria, to be able to change my beliefs. How I am going to do that living in the most miserable country in the world remains a mystery to me but today I think I want to try. Before there is nothing left of me to recognise.

My knickers are still super large by the way. I don’t know how I migrated from the knickers to the angina to telling myself that I need to figure myself out before I am lost forever. Oh well, OH… MY…. WORD!! 🤣😁🤣